You know that moment you stand still just to take a breath and feel like you are breaching the waves that have been rolling over you consistently? It’s like something out of a Steven Spielberg or Nora Ephron movie. You get to have your own little cinematic moment, where you observe that moment, everyone around you and the world as it is.
These last couple of weeks have seemed like one giant wave after another rolling over me. And I’ve not had my moment where I could take a breath of fresh air, yet. It really sad and maybe even pathetic. But at the least it’s kind of important to note that I’ve discovered that April is seemingly my month of great change, every year.
When I turned 18, I had already faced a great deal of challenges in my life. I had overcome them and stood tall, and so I thought to myself: Jeez. Things could only be easier from here on out.
Whoomp. There it was. The ultimate jinx that changed a lot.
And tonight, I want to tell past David: Things were not going to be easier.
(I take a huge gulp of wine and ponder my next sentence.)
(The thoughts were stuck in my head, so I took another gulp of wine… And another. The glass was suddenly empty before it hit me.)
It was April. Why was I even surprised?! The crap always hits the fan in April.
In recent times, to cope with everything, I’ve become a little too obsessed with Disney. And then my thoughts began to wonder about and soon enough I was stuck with the idea that I might be a forgotten Disney princess, stuck in this crappy world with a curse placed on me by some b(w)itch. I know this might send of alarms that I’m a crazy person, but at least I’m not really dressing up like a Disney princess and asking people to call me “Your Highness”…
And through my obsession with Disney, I found a song from Tangled. “When will my life begin” became the anthem to my life.
In that moment I listened to the song again, I had my cinematic moment where I gulped an entire breath of fresh air.
I was being pushed into certain directions by the cosmos. Through all these troubles and problems I was being led to a point where I was going to start my life anew.
(At this point I filled my glass with more wine…)
Too many questions were still filling my head and the answers weren’t coming. I felt frustrated by this. Why was there no answers.
But then, I sank back into my cushion, thinking that maybe I’m not suppose to have all the answers in life right now. Maybe I wasn’t suppose to hang onto the moment. Maybe I was suppose to just entirely let go. Have it be with any thought of the future, problem I was facing or thing that was bothering me. Letting go might just be the right thing for now.
Seeing as the cosmos was directing my cinematic moment right now. I didn’t want to be a drama queen and give it notes on how things were suppose to go.
So, now, I’m jumping into the unknown and letting the universe take things to where they should be.
I’m afraid and crapping myself, but I think I’ll be fine.